Irruption Of A Nation
Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and noticed a sad look on their face? Then when you asked what’s wrong, they responded “I’m not where I’m supposed to be in life”. I’m sure it has happened. Many people go through stages of depression because of that thought. My question is this: who dictates where someone is supposed to be at any stage in their life? Do we all live by this unwritten step-by-step manual? I find that hard to believe, since every person doesn’t start out from the same place. Yet people drive themselves into depression, which causes them to be less productive; thereby, driving them further away from where they have convinced themselves they are supposed to be at a specific time. One of the major reasons for this is because people are constantly putting themselves under pressure by focusing on where someone else is in their life, or on other people’s expectations of them. They battle to keep up and sometimes are not really aware of exactly what they are keeping up with. For example, I’ve heard people say: “I’m not where I’m supposed to be because I am 38, not married, don’t have any children and do not own my dream home”. Where is it written that these are the things you’re supposed to have at 38? Let’s say that by age 20, you got married, had a child and inherited your dream home. Then, at 35 your marriage ended in divorce. At 38, your child has left home to go to school, does not plan to return after college, and you are forced to down-size your home because of finances. This is now your reality at age 38: you are divorced and single, with no child in the home and you’re no longer in your dream home. You would then appear like the 38 year old who was never married, never had children and never lived in a dream home. My question still is: who dictates where you are supposed to be in life at any specific time?
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I agree that the standard set for a specific age group is generalized and it doesn’t take into account the various variables that can delay, hinder or deter onself from attaining these goals. I do believe for some people having a benchmark can be helpful for those who are not self motivated.
Oh my gosh this is so on point! This is literally my life. I have always said I’m nowhere near where I “should” be at the age of 26…byt by whose standard? By my families because everyone in my family was well established at my age. Here I am with a child never married… Moved back home to save money a medicore job…. Where I felt that I needed to be married no kids in a home of my own and working for some high end job making a salary instead of hourly pay…. But I had to sit and think and realize that where I am now is exactly where I need to be. I will get to where I need or what to be when the right time comes.
You sound like you are making your life journey your own!
Ahhhhh the manual of life!!! Lol the struggles of life! I remembering learning that parenting doesn’t come with a manual. Couldn’t agree more with you!
I feel like everyone’s lives are different and I use to feel the same way about my life but lately I’ve been taking it day by day and letting God lead my life in the directions I’m suppose to make. I would rather be in the will of God than to make my own plans.
The fact that you’re not where you want to be should be more motivation. For some, maybe you’re exactly where you need, or want to be, but there will always be that desire for something more and something better, which is what keeps this world going around. Don’t base your life upon what other people have. What’s yours, will be yours, but of course, everything comes when the time is right; in due time. Have faith, ambition, and trust in the most high. Look up, stay up. You can do it! ☝?️
You make your own life choices. For many other people its difficult for them whether it be religious or cultural influences growing up and belief that by a certain age you need to have a degree, greatjob, marriage, house, kids and etc. Everybody is different. As long as your truly happy and content in this day and age I believe you won lol. Great job ross! ?
Well, to be honest it depends on a number of factors like culture community heritage all those things play a role in who we become and who we are in life. For example like my next door neighbor’s they are Jewish so everything is dictated like their marriages are arranged they live in the same homes they grow up in forever and then they buy the house next door or within the same community to be close to their family. Many follow their parents footsteps and even become rabbis or stay in line with the family business. I can even remeber when i was a little girl i wanted the same life like the Cosbey show and A Different World. By age 7 i already knew what i wanted to be, when i would be married and how long i would be married before having children. It really wasn’t until nothing happened in that order until i realized i made a wrong turn somewhere. Once i became open to the idea of knowing that everyone is in fact different and what worked for my parents coworkers church family and friend just may not work for me. Meaning everyone at some point and time have to have that aha moment. Some of us have been taught or even modeling the wrong thing for so long and its hard sometimes to change or stinking thinking. I believe once we have that aha moment in life I think that’s when we begin to take ownership of Our Lives and begin to take the steps that are required to become the people that we were designed and created to be.
It’s all false, fallacy
I’m guilty of this, Mentally we all have goals we want to achieve but sometimes whether it’s a bad decision,Mistake or maybe wasn’t God’s plan for you it can lead you in a different place. We all have to learn how to gain self motivation and to know it will either come when it comes or maybe it isn’t meant for us and we have a different purpose in life. I now have a 30 year old female friend of mine that suffers with this because she has no kids or was never married I will definitely let her read this. Nice article ross!!!
Great Read!! This is absolutely the truth, everyone starts out life with different circumstances and all of us have different battles and struggles we face along the way. You should never compare you current position to others cause you never know what it took (or didnt take) to get them there. Some people are born into money and end up broke, others start with nothing and work hard to reach there financial goals. Some meet there significant other at a young age some people dont meet them till later on in life, regaurdless of the time, it happened when it was right for them. People need to focus on what makes them(self) happy and stop judging where they are based off of other peoples positions, what there parents may want or what your friends are doing. Your life is for you to live on whatever path you choose to live it and only you can honestly control the timeframe it will take to achieve what you yourself want to accomplish.
This is a question that “I” use to allow bother me upon approaching my 30s but thankfully I have been surrounded by individuals who have given me great advice on not to beat myself up about what I don’t have so I can focus on everything I have accomplished. I think it’s natural to at some point in time question yourself but allow that time to be a reflection of yourself while planning the next step. For me it took prayer and building my relationship with God to understand whose “time” I was living by/on. Time is one of the most precious commodities known to mankind so to waste moments, mintues, hours, days, or in some cases years wondering why you haven’t reached a goal probably set when you were a kid or to compare your accomplishments to another’s isnt fair to yourself. Life will always manage to do one thing which is “keep going on” whether you have chosen to move on or become stuck wondering. Depression to me has shown its ugly face but it is a personal decision to choose to entertain it and for how long. I had so many wonderful moments planned for each era of my life but that has changed repeatedly over time. I guess it goes with the saying, ‘if you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans you have for your life’. I have learned life will happen and you can survive as long as you learn how to adapt rather than question.
This article is so on point, I think we all especially females struggle with what we should have accomplished at a certain age, I mean I’m 35 and I wish I was doing better in all aspect of my life but as long as I keep striving then I shouldn’t stress about it.
I couldn’t agree more! As you stated, everyone has had different obstacles in life and it is impossible to dictate where one should be at a certain age. Everyone’s journey is their own, and the trials encountered by each individual is a part of growth.
Very good read…. Been there before and believe me everyone situation is different.
STAY IN YOUR LANE!!! Take it from Usain Bolt. Everyone has there imaginary measuring sticks out, hoping to measure up to someone else, not realizing that the people or person that they are attempting to measure against can care less about anyone else. It lives in each of us, but the strong minded does not let it control them. That’s where it stems from. “Mind Over Matter, If You Don’t Mind, It Don’t Matter”, and I don’t mind. The good lord created us in his image for a reason; not for us to just sit back and hope he gives us a lane. Sometimes, we have to plow through a forest and create one! That way, we would have a problem staying in our lane, because, shit!, we created it!!!
Agree ?
I find myself saying this all the time!! We live in a world where we constantly need to do more, be more, and have more than the next person. Social media is the biggest culprit of trying to “keep up”. We see friends and family with awesome lives and doing wonderful things with their perfect families. But what we don’t see is the huge fight before that cute picture was taken of you and your significant other, or the phone call you just got off of with one of your debt collectors of that new car you cant really afford. Nope all we see of each other is the “perfect” life portrayed online. When in reality your probably doing just fine and on the course you need to be in in your life. We need to STOP and smell the roses we have planted more often.
This one definitely hit the nail on the head..I believe societal pressure plays a major part in that. I used to always think I wasn’t where I was supposed to be. I had so much I wanted to do with my life. Finish college, find a good paying job, get married , have a family and travel the world and live a happy life…sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves and we Dont enjoy the moment we are in..we stress so much about what tomorrow’s going to bring that we are not enjoying today…
Interesting points you make. I agree that there are external and internal pressures that has conditioned us to judge the span of our life and what we do to some other persons invisible measuring stick. Unfortunately that’s where we lose our way and self actualization in my opinion is difficult to achieve. Interesting topic to delve more into.
This was an interesting topic because many of the milestones that most people want to hit, I don’t care about. No one guides my steps other than God. So I don’t follow anyone script. I focus on being a Christ-like person and showing God’s love in spite of everything. Living that life has made me a better person.
The way we were raised often dictate what the type of person we become , but that doesn’t mean we can’t change , the problem is majority of the time we have family around us who truly doesn’t have the wisdom to make the right decisions in life , that’s in general marriage, finances , and our ability to overcome obstacles in life are effected by who you have been around all life . A wise man must seek wise counsel . And we must admit dispite how old or young we may be that we can not just quit on life and accept our current status.
This is self-imposed…driven mainly by what we see around us…our environment. The idea of “keeping up with the Joneses” for some. Others…they want better for themselves and success for each person is “personal” and “varies” person to person. We need to be happy with ourselves and not critical about our life accomplishments and at what stage in life it may occur.
I have been struggling with this recently. I have been a state of dismay since relocating to a different state, and facing divorce. I am constantly comparing myself to my friends and peers who appear to be happily married with no financial stresses. At least, that’s how they present. Sometime I feel like a failure. This message hit me in a sensitive spot. I am 32, and I had such higher expectations of where my life would be, and I’m so far behind.
We always try to reach goals set by society, and then get depressed when we don’t achieve them. At 33 years old, I was nowhere close to where I “was supposed to be in life”. According to people, I had not lived up to my potential. But, you know what? MY life took the path it was supposed to. Maybe I wasn’t married, didn’t have children nor a degree. But what I did have was a life full of memories. Now, at 41 I’m in a place I never thought I would be …still not married, still no children, but happy none the less. Your goals are not mine. I operate on my own timeline, not society’s.
This is totally true.. Once I realized that no matter how I lived my life people would still think what they wanted about me I started to march to the beat of my own tune. Living my life totally for me and not what society, friends or family states I should live it.